Last time I shared Chana’s lack of awareness about what was stopping her from finding love. And that being in love scared her to death.
This time, let’s delve into how Chana actually overcame her fear.
Let’s walk through Chana’s process.
Chana first explored what made her believe in the possibility of love. Other than watching dramas and romcoms, she needed to find real models of love in her life. Believe it or not, this wasn’t easy. Her parents made little time for one another…Her memories of her grandparents left her wanting, as they fought bitterly and showed little affection. Her only memories of loving couples were her Av and Eim Bayit, Rachel and Shlomo (her surrogate parents in her high school seminary).
Chana developed a tight bond with them. Apart from being warm and affectionate, they were emotionally present for her. When she had challenges with roommates, they empathized and gave her the space to talk about it. When her parents made excuses for missing another visiting day, they sat beside her, arms over her shoulder, while she bawled her eyes out. When countless boys rejected her in Bnei Akiva, they were her rock.
How Chana Learned About Love
Through her relationship with this couple, Chana experienced love. And she liked how it felt. It gave her the belief she needed to know love existed. This relationship taught her she was capable of being loved and the bird’s eye view into the world of romantic relationships.
By instilling these images into Chana’s mind, she was able to connect with the feelings of love she once felt and the desire to believe that romantic love would come her way.
She owned the knowledge that she deserved the love she received from Rachel and Shlomo. She mourned over her relationship with her parents and dealt with her sadness about not feeling loved by them. Although Chana didn’t receive the love she needed from her parents, she was able to obtain it elsewhere.
Chana eventually connected the dots she needed to feel love-able and to invite love in. As she became more aware of her relationship and attitude towards love, she was able to release her fear.
In my next newsletter I’ll show you how Chana made the leap from creating love internally and receiving it from a loving partner.
Til then, I’d love to hear how you relate to Chana’s story. Ever feel unworthy of love? Feel disconnected from your parents? I can’t begin to tell you how normal and common this is…
Here’s a link to another article about how to build greater awareness and push through painful emotions…