Abbie’s parents never showed any affection towards one-another. She cringes as she remembers her mother berating her father harshly for not providing enough income for the family. What Abbie didn’t realize was her dating choices were directly influenced by her father’s relationship with his career and the impact it had on the family.
Since then, any man without a sizeable income or who wasn’t earning bucket loads of cash was put in the not date-able category. Abbie made split second decisions the instant she met a guy. She believed she knew immediately, just by asking about their work whether they were “un-date-able” and not up to her standards. There were many potential men she never bothered meeting because they hadn’t “made it” financially.
While Abbie was aware she wasn’t giving guys a chance, she felt justified about writing guys off based on their career. She just wanted what she wanted. And she convinced herself that she was doing this for good reason.
I can hear that no one wants to be poor. By dating someone who has an unstable character this may be justifiable.
What many of us don’t realize is that a career choice is just one part of who we are. While we all need money to live, a career doesn’t determine anything about a persons’ connection with or ability to earn a living.
There are rich doctors and poor doctors, interesting lawyers and dull lawyers. While the banks are up one day, they are down the next. Financial wealth has little to do with career choice, but rather is determined more by one’s ability and determination to weather the storms.
I can feel some of your eyes widening as you read this now.
Being successful at anything requires determination, perseverance, strength of character and patience. We all have the ability to be successful at whatever we do. Success isn’t only connected with a dollar figure. It’s also associated with the passion and energy we gain from whatever we do.
Abbie’s father may have been unsuccessful because he lacked self-belief or had poor self-esteem. His wife, constantly putting him down couldn’t have helped matters. The point is he never stood up for himself. The real reason for Abbie’s family’s financial difficulties wasn’t her father’s career choice. It was his self-belief, relationship with his wife, his poor attitude and lack of energy that he gave towards his whole life that caused the family distress.
Money troubles was just the outcome of the poor family dynamic.
By over-focusing on money and not focusing on the person, Abbie was setting herself up to meet a man who may have had a good career prospect, without seeing the other essential parts of a potential partner. She was missing out on finding a man who was empathetic, kind, generous and interesting. Some might call this missing the forest for the trees.
When it comes to building a family, each tree is important. But we need to have in mind what kind of forest we want to plant. Some trees don’t blend well with others. If you plant trees with territorial roots, they can kill the other trees around them so that they remain alone.
By working with me, Abbie discovered the importance of looking at the greater picture when she meets a man. She also considered what she brings to the relationship and how this influences her connection with the men she meets. She has since realized that qualities are far more important especially in a day and age where careers come and go. Abbie is now well on her way to improving her odds and creating a stronger and more lasting foundation for a future family.
If you feel stuck in a rut when it comes to dating and relationships, drop me a line and let me know how I can help turn things around for you. Check out my website: www.mickilavinpell.co.il.