by Micki Lavin-Pell, Marriage and Family Therapist and Relationship Coach
Headlines around the globe sent shockwaves through social media when the most eligible bachelorette in pop culture , Kim Kardashian has reportedly been snagged by Hollywood’s most prolific chick magnet …..Pete Davidson. While I usually swipe past these nuggets of click bait this one gave me pause. Not because I care much for Kim or Pete, but in my line of work, this kind of phenomenon can’t go unnoticed. What is remarkable to me, and to many others in the social media universe, is that Pete Davidson, is, well…no beauty queen. Now before all you trolls out there comment about how superficial this sounds, I am speaking not from own personal opinion but the general public , who have expressed shock and disbelief that a pasty, skinny, seemingly ordinary guy can somehow snag the most beautiful butt in Hollywood and the Queen of Social Media, Kim Kardashian. More surprisingly, is she is not nearly the first glamorous dilettante to have fallen for his …what ??? From Arian Grande, to Kate Beckinsale, Kia Gerber and Phoebe Dynervor of Bridgerton fame, Pete has been around the Boulevard.
Certainly, I am the expert in the room able to hopefully make some sense of this mysterious madness. Eligible Bachelors , gather round , and together we will study the Pete Davison Effect, breaking down the phenomenon into the minutia like a talmudic scholar would a tractate of the Talmud. The question we are posing is how, a seemingly ordinary man such a Pete Davidson has the magnetism of a the last male lion to exist on the tundra amongst a pride of thousands of lioness’ vying for his attention.
Now, we know this is absolutely untrue, Brad Pitt has been available for quite some time now…so how does Pete do it ??
Let’s take a look at this from the female perspective -something men often don’t think about when they set out on the prowl. What are the characteristics a woman wants to see in a man? You don’t need to be an A-list celeb to desire these traits in a boyfriend.
Have a Sense of Humor
One of the first traits is a SENSE OF HUMOR. Pete is a comedian on arguably the biggest comedy stage in the world, SNL. No need to start and panic if humor isn’t in your genes. You can always make up for it with the next all important trait,
I once knew a short portly guy in high school who was the class clown and always had the guts to speak his mind and never needed validation of his coolness from anyone. Confidence, as I’ve been saying for years, is the single sexiest trait a person can have. It is also not a consequence of a person’s looks or actions. It’s a state of mind. In order to have it one must possess the ability to “not giving a damn” about what people think. In all the interviews I viewed of Pete in preparation for this article, Pete is always wearing nail polish and he’s quoted as saying “I do not care very much about what the industry thinks of me at all, They’ll love you or they’ll hate you, it doesn’t matter. What matters is your friends and family in front of you.” There you have it!
The third ingredient is support. Feeling surrounded by people who love and care about you is all important. Some people lack the ability to notice this, or push support away. This is particularly true of people who struggle with avoidant attachment styles. Having the ability to let people into your life and be there for you, to have your back is super important. We all need a friend or two to lean on sometimes.
Vulnerability, is also seen as a top characteristic a women looks for in a man. What exactly is vulnerability? It’s the ability to express your FEELINGS. If you are capable of using the words “i feel ____” in a sentence you are well on your way to becoming a sensitive vulnerable human being. When you are able to express your true feelings without fear of being judged you’ve achieved this virtue, the opposite of demonstrating machismo. Allow yourself to admit you’re open to discussion about your vices or your imperfections.
Confront Your Challenges Head On
Pete has frequently been open about his battle with mental illness and his trauma as a result of losing his father at a young age. In addition to your own ability to express feelings, a woman desires her par amour to be a great listener, and validator of her feelings. Pete’s ex – Kate Bechinsale has been quoted saying “ Pete is really a nice guy” KINDNESS shouldn’t be overlooked.
Another element not to overlook is DRIVE. A self propelled motivation to better yourself, whether monetarily or personally. The motivation to be your best self is highly attractive. No one can deny Pete has ambition, from his mom’s basement in Staten Island to Saturday night live, this guy has been at the pinnacle of his career. Matched with his humility, ( he calls himself a “red flag”) he claims he has been working on bettering himself and working on tackling his demons. I wish you much luck, Pete. Call me, I know a good trauma therapist 😉