Do you often find you go out with people and you don’t feel anything towards them. When you date, do you just feel, mehhh? You aren’t repulsed, but you definitely don’t feel like spending any more time getting to know them either.
This is a very common frustrating and discouraging feeling. You so badly want to connect with someone already, but no one you meet really excites you.
Let’s explore what is making you feel, just mehhh, and look at what you can do to turn things around.
Reasons why you may not feel overjoyed meeting new dates:
- You feel burnt out from dating in general. You push yourself so hard to find someone to connect with, yet you just feel nothing.
- You’re not feeling particularly excited by life right now and your projecting that feeling onto the people you date
- The style of questions you are using isn’t helpful. Are you in a rush to see whether there is a connection? Do you drill your date with job interview style questions? If that’s the case, of course you aren’t connecting with them. When we date we have to start out building a connection with them. Getting to know all their ins and outs takes time. It’s just how it is.
- Do you go on each date assuming you’ll be bored?
- Do you leave it up to your date to prepare things to take about?
Expecting it’s your date’s job to make us feel alive and excited is the wrong way to go. Believing your date should bring the party will sabotage your dating efforts. If you want a good chance of having a more than mehhh experience, you bring the goods and the energy . When one person starts out with good energy this vibe usually spills over to the other. So its in your best interest to make it happen.
If you go out on a date with neutral expectations, but positive energy, you will have a much better experience.
Know that if you’re feeling just mehhh after each date may be more in your control than you think.
- If you’re feeling burnt out from dating, perhaps you need to take a break. If you aren’t dating at all and feeling stressed from obsessing about it take a break from stressing. Recharge your batteries. Know that sometimes things come when you aren’t looking for it.
- If your energy is low, or if you’re feeling burnt out, figure out what missing for you. Lack of sleep, stress…maybe you’re low in vitamins can sap your energy. Maybe you need to do more to bring you excitement and joy to put the spark back into your life.
- Sometimes what makes us feel neutral about the person we’re dating is the bombastic interview style. Our dates shutdown when they get bombarded. Instead allow things to slowly unfold, to inspire our date to open up. There’s no way you’re gonna feel anything when someone shuts down on you.
- When we go in with the assumption that someone needs to entertain us, it puts pressure on our date. Don’t Do This!
- If you expect your date to bore you, they probably will! This creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. Whether you’re just starting to date or a seasoned dating veteran it’s hard to keep a positive attitude. So rather than forcing yourself to feel positive, go in with a clear palate. No hard set expectations. Just openness to seeing what will come.
- Take on the onus of bringing the excitement. This puts you in the control seat. You get to choose how you want this to go. By taking on the responsibility for bringing the fun, this should free you up from having a bad time. You may want to suggest things rather than hoist them on your date.
Rather than just expecting your dates to bore you, review the checklist above. See whether there’s more you can do to turn things around. If you’d like my help with overcoming dating burnout, or getting your mojo back drop me a line.
Micki Lavin-Pell is a professional Marriage therapist and Relationship Coach. Check out her website for more information about how she can greatly improve the success of your relationships: https://www.mickilavinpell.co.il.