“My relationship is rock solid, what would relationship therapy do for me?”

This is something I hear a lot in my line of work.

Most people believe they should only go to therapy when their relationship is on the rocks. Months and years after trying to sort things out on their own.

Let’s consider how that works. You feel angry at your partner for something they did. You try and tell them, and they don’t respond the way you want them too. So you keep trying all sorts of different ways. You still don’t get the response you want.  By this point, you no longer feel angry. You’ve now reached FLAMINGLY FURIOUS!!!!

So now what? Who’s feeling motivated to work on a relationship now? The Answer: “NO ONE!”

Nobody feels motivated to work on a relationship after so much water has schlept under the bridge.  And for those of us with poor relationship models and few tools and skills, we’re at a loss. Even for those of us with great skills if only one of us has them, where are we? And throw in the fact that our emotions are all over the place and wreaking havoc, it’s like staring right into the eye of a tornado… Not a pretty sight!

So when is the best time for marriage therapy?  It’s when you’re feeling pretty optimistic. This helps in a few ways. First, it ensures that both of you feel motivated to really invest in the relationship. When you’re  in giving mode, your both gonna put in your all to make sure your relationship stays on track. Second, people who feel good and secure in their relationship are more receptive and open to ways of maintaining and protecting their relationship. This is the time when marriage and relationship therapy is most potent! Not when you can’t even remember why you chose to marry each other because your so damn angry!

Make a list of all the things you most want to protect about your relationship…I’d love to hear about it!!!! Send them my way: mlavinpell@gmail.com

Skip to content